Island Critters

If there is one thing I cannot stand it is snakes. Indiana Jones was never so relateable for me when he rolled over and said "snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes." Some people - whose name I will not mention (Susan) - are deathly afraid of little inconsequential creatures like our harmless Alaska gray spiders that might at worst - and this is making a big admission here - maybe, possibly, leave the tiniest of little red welts from whatever it is that they do when they happen to find actual skin to play around on. Alaskans are not often naked, I might point out, or even moderately uncovered. So the truth is those little kamikaze spiders that some people think are crawling around on the living room ceiling above our heads with evil intent to kill are more likely just dweeb spiders that stumble trying to make it over the top of a piece of ceiling popcorn, lose their grip and fall. I am sure that I have suffered more heart weakening events caused by Susan's penetrating scream of death coupled with the instant launch off the sofa than I was ever threatened by an actual spider bite.

But getting back to snakes, now that is a different matter. One fall day while out for a jog on a beautiful sun-slanted trail around Lake Sagatagan (St. John's, MN in case you have forgotten) I went to leap over some arbitrary thick green stick that was laying on the ground across the path. Just as I was soaring into the air the stick freaked out, violently spasmed and bolted off the path as fast as its little snakey legs could carry it. I, meanwhile, had gone from fun to fear in a split second and somehow managed to gain an additional six feet of altitude in spite of the fact that both my feet were already off the ground at that point and I was arcing toward the other side of the stick. When I finally came down about 20 feet later it took me several minutes to stop my heart from pounding as I realized just how close I had come to some serious garter-snake death. To this day I have not forgotten that encounter and that was, oh, about 30 years ago. So snakes are an issue with me.

But here I am in Guam, brown tree snake capital of micronesia, and I can't imagine whatever it was that possessed me to agree to come here in the first place.  The BTS, as the experts call them, are invaders on Guam, brought here most likely by cargo ships or planes in the early 1950's. They grow to an average length - I said average length - of 1 to 2 meters, and are very aggressive when confronted. They single handedly wiped out the native bird population of the island, not to mention everything else they could get their little fangs on, like shrews, rats and such. Maybe that is why I have not seen but one cockroach since I have been here. So it is not all bad. But I mean, how'd you like to be out for a walk in the woods on a warm and muggy evening and look up to see one of these guys looking down at you? Yes, that's right. You'd be crapping your pants and that's all there is to it. So now every time I go out walking, even if it is just from the car to the restaurant or whatever idiocy I happen to be doing, I can't help but check every bush or small tree for something that just doesn't look quite right and give the whole lot a wide berth. And you would too, Duan, so don't go getting all smug on me.

Time for bed.